Tough
by Angelus1
Summary: Angel and Cordelia prepare for the releasing of Angelus.


Spoilers: Can't remember the name of the ep, but it's where the shaman takes Angel's soul.

Disclaimer: Yeah, right, sure I own 'em. In my dreams. Cordelia, Angel/Angelus, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, Lorne, Connor, and any other characters mentioned here are the property of Joss Whedon, WGN, and Mutant Enemy Inc. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Angelus...

His mortal enemy, his biggest fear, his worst nightmare. For over two and a half centuries, he has fought a daily battle against the demon that inhabits his body. Sometimes, the urge to give in to the primal side is harder to tamp down. Like when the bastard that sent Fred to Pylea was sitting no more than fifteen feet away from him, or when Holtz showed up begging for his forgiveness. But no, he held strong. Because he refused to let Angelus win.

Honestly, though - and somewhat ironically - those aren't the most difficult times he's had restraining himself. The most difficult times are when he has Cordelia's warm body snuggled up against his. The desire to just lose control; throw caution to the wind for the chance to be with the dark, Amazonian beauty that has unwittingly stolen his heart. Whether she realizes it or not, she essentially holds his soul in her hands.

And now, it's about to be snatched from those very hands, out of his body, and stuffed into a glass jar. Leaving him with the evil he's been running from for two hundred fifty-plus years. But it's not like that evil's going to be running free, roaming the streets of Los Angeles. No, it will be inside of him. Consuming him. Inhabiting his mind, taking charge, committing unspeakable acts while he, Angel, can do nothing but watch in silent helplessness.

Although, he knows it will be different this time. He'll be locked in a cage, for one. Sure, it will protect everyone else, but they don't even realize what this is doing to him, being trapped inside his own head with a sadistic madman.

But they'll be safe. He needs to keep reminding himself of that. There is a good side to all of this, after all - he can't be completely selfish. Who can blame him, however, for being a little scared? Still, he needs to be strong. For them. Like he's always been.

So that's why he's laying on his back, strapped to this table, awaiting his fate. He smiles wryly, wishing he could at least have gotten to have the moment of perfect happiness this time. Ah, Cordelia. This had to be hitting her pretty hard. Out of all of them, she was the one who had been strongest set against releasing Angelus. He didn't blame her. In fact, he hoped she'd stay upstairs while the ritual took place. He didn't want her to have to see him like that.

But then he hears her voice outside of the cage, talking with the red-robed shaman. Why could she never make things easy?

"Cordelia?" he called. "Go. I don't want you here."

"Yeah? Tough." she replied.

Tough. That was Cordelia all over. She'd been through so much in her short life - most of it in the last few years, her in L.A. But she refused to let that stand in her way. She could have been a snivelling, co-dependent little girl, still hanging on to the dream of Daddy's riches, refusing to be grounded in reality. But instead, she was Cordelia. Frank, abrasive, brave, and cocky, with a hint of that inner bitch showing every once and awhile, but in an endearing way. And, above all, she was tough. And oh so very beautiful because of it.

No, damn her. He didn't want her here. She'd already seen him like this twice before - hell, she'd relived the entire Angelus experience as a higher being. That was beyond what anyone deserved of Angelus for one lifetime. One other thing about Cordy: she was stubborn as hell. If she'd gotten it in her mind that she wanted to stay, then he knew there was nothing he could say or do to change her mind.

"Close your eyes and do not speak," the shaman instructed as he entered the cage. Angel did so.

"Angel!" Cordy called urgently. Despite what he had been told, he turned his head to meet her eyes. "You don't have to do this," she said, almost pleading.

"Yes I do," he assured her, both of them knowing deep down that it was the undeniable truth. But he would be back. Even if something went wrong with the spell, he would fight his way back. For her. There was no way he was letting her go this time.

The room seemed huge and silent as they stared at one another. Fred, Gunn, Wesley, Connor, Lorne, the shaman...it was as if it faded away. For that one single, perfect moment, just the two of them existed. Angel and Cordelia.

"It is time," the shaman intoned. Angel turned his head back and closed his eyes. For some reason, it was then that he knew for sure. He didn't know how or why, he just knew.

He loved Cordelia. His best friend, protector, touchstone. The gorgeous, cheeky young woman who had never once wavered in the face of danger. The one who begged him eagerly to train her, and was such an apt pupil, who kept him on his toes with her coy smile and steely wit, who had barged in one day and rearranged his office and his life, who refused to let him sink into his own darkness, who held her head high and her emotions in check, who was so like Buffy, yet even more unlike her, and was the strongest, most beautiful, brilliant creature he'd ever laid eyes on.

"I love you," he called out.

And the shaman began chanting.

Cordelia started to call out, to assure him that she loved him as well, despite all that had happened between them, but Wesley put a restraining hand on her arm.

"Not now," he insisted, nodding to the scarlet-cloaked shaman. "We can't afford for either of them to break their concentration."

"But..."

"He knows," Wesley assured her, his grip on her arm shifting to a comforting hug. "Trust me, he knows." Cordelia snuggled into Wes' chest, grateful to have him here, a part of them once more.

She was saddened slightly, and scared out of her wits, but resigned. She didn't like her life being put on hold like this, especially not to bring about Angelus, when her relationship with Angel had taken such a drastic turn in less than half a second. But she would be strong. She could hold on, knowing that he would make his way back to her no matter what the odds. She was tough - she would stick it out.

The chanting continued, monotonously, a background to Cordelia's labored breathing.

"Wo quinq qui. Wo xzin zili. Kun, zhen, xun, kan, li. Ci wo tong ling. Ji fao muo li. Wo hao zhao. Jue xin ze. Wan cheng, ta de zi yuan."

Angelus' eyes flew open.

"Illusion becomes reality."


End file.
